When I was much younger, I used to say “Yes” to everything. I never stopped and thought if I truly wanted to do those things I was saying “Yes” to. As a consequence, I would then try to find excuses why I couldn’t go that party or baby sit for the next door neighbour!
Keeping your own word is empowering to both you and others. It means that you become someone who can be trusted to do what you say you will do. These days, I give myself some time and space to really think about what I want to say “Yes” to and the results have been liberating for me.
We often worry that if we say "No" to something or someone then we might be offending the person who asked us or that we won't be liked anymore. Or, that the opportunity we have been offered won't come around again. All of these are based in fear which is not a helpful reason for saying "Yes" to anyone or anything.
Loving boundaries
If you are seeking to make any kind of changes in your life, especially those around health and wellbeing, then learning to create loving boundaries around what you will agree to is essential. It sounds a simple thing to do, however for many people, saying "No" is extremely challenging as it triggers many emotions including feeling guilty, selfish, or even a fear of being rejected in the future. However, just remember that the people who love you will understand what you are doing even if it means that you won't be there as much for them. Feeling good about yourself and your body are vital for you to thrive and truly love your life. Ultimately, the most caring thing we can do for others is to love ourselves wholeheartedly so that we have the energy and enthusiasm to give. Remember that you cannot give what you don't have.
Make your "YES" a BIG YES!
The wonderful thing about creating loving boundaries around you is that when you do say "Yes" to something or someone it is a big YES! It comes from a place of you wanting to spend time with that person or take up that opportunity. This is powerful and empowering for you and others because your "YES" means something and when it's given, it comes with joy, positive energy instead of feeling resentment, too tired or "put upon."
Top three coaching tips for keeping your promises
1. When asked if you will do something, put in a delay system. Thank the person for asking and say that you’ll get back to them as you need to check your diary or that you’re not sure that you will be available. You can then get back to them with a “Yes” or “No” answer after you’ve had time to think about it.
2. When trying to make a decision, check in with yourself and see how it makes you feel. If you feel heavy, low or stressed this may indicate that this is not for you. However, if you feel light, excited, happy and expansive, you may want to “go for it!”
3. Remember that every time you keep your word, you build trust with yourself and with others. Only ever break your word if there is a really good reason why you couldn’t keep it (as in the case of an emergency).